Christmas: A Wounded Heart

​It was the most agonizing time of the year for me. Hearing the merry tunes of Christmas songs berated my ears. Seeing the decorations caused me to seethe on the inside. A Christian who deplored Christmas. I had a wounded heart, but it has been refreshed.

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When something hurts us how we respond will determine which seeds will be planted in our hearts. When I was younger around Christmas time, I would count the number of presents under the tree to see which of my siblings had the most. I would compare and wonder why one sibling had more than the other. Sometimes I would have less, other times I would have more. When I had less presents the thought, “mom must love them more than me” came to mind. When I had more presents the thought, “I don’t want my siblings to think I’m better than them” came to mind. Then once it came time to open the gifts, I would compare who had the better gifts. Sometimes I would be jealous of the gifts my other siblings got. At a young age ungratefulness, envy, comparison, amongst other things entered my heart. I didn’t know how to respond to these feelings, so I suppressed them and seeds of bitterness was planted.

Now, by the grace and mercy of God, I realize that the enemy was speaking lies to me even as a child to destroy my heart and as I got older Christmas season became the holiday I hated. When I gave my life to Christ there wasn’t a sudden change in my heart towards Christmas. I still hated it. The only thing that changed was that I became quite about it. I hid the bitterness. I hid this wounded area of my life.  What kind of Christian hates Christmas!? I couldn’t stand being around other believers who would go on and on at how they love Christmas, but I would nicely smile and nod my head. I had a heart of stone not fully surrendered to Christ, until today!

I woke up this morning and I poured out my heart to God! All of the hurt rose up, all of the pain, all bitterness, and all the negativity came to the surface. I fully surrendered this to God, repented of how I responded, and asked for His forgiveness. After prayer I read Psalm 109 where David was dealing with a false accuser. David also had some hurt and said some negative things to God about his accuser, but two things stood out to me

Psalm 109:21-22- But You, O God the Lord, deal with me for Your name’s sake; because Your mercy is good deliver me. For I am poor and needy and my heart is wounded within me.

David was going through a rough time and even said some negative things about his accuser, but David gave himself to prayer (Ps 109:4). By giving himself to prayer He acknowledge his wounded heart, and asked the Lord to deal with him! David wanted God to deal with his wounded heart and the Lord showed me today that He wants to deal with my wounded heart!!

I was then reminded of Ezekiel 36:26- I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh

God gave David a new heart! God has given me a new heart, but new hearts can only be given when you give yourself to prayer and say “God deal with me for Your name’s sake.”

God also showed me this morning that hearts are refreshed in the Lord.
Philemon 20- Yes, brother, let me have joy from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in the Lord.

I had a wounded heart that produced bitterness for this time of year, but today the Lord has dealt with me for His name sake! He has taken my stony heart and it has become refreshed in the Lord! So I encourage you to give yourself to prayer because the Lord loves to heal wounded hearts!

If you don’t know if you have a wounded heart ask yourself this: What things cause you to speak evil about it? What things do you murder with the words of your mouth or inwardly cause you to be furious? If there is any, then you have a wounded heart and need to give yourself to prayer and ask God to deal with you! For what we speak comes from our heart (Matthew 15:18-19)
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I spoke so negatively about Christmas. My wounded heart blinded me from seeing the beauty of this season. The bitterness overshadowed the blessing of this season. No longer now, because God given me a new heart for Christmas!